Transitions. I tell people I love change. And I mostly do…when I know what’s coming next. I am one of those people that loses sleep over exciting events or life changes to come…when I can plan around them. I’m a Type A gal who gets bored quickly. Not always a good thing. Right now, I’m in a totally terrifying transition.
This past summer was a total ride. Literally. It was a ride akin to those wooden roller coasters where you’re not entirely sure you’ll make it back to pavement alive. For once in my life, I felt like I just went along with whatever came my way. I truly experienced life. I laughed harder than I’ve ever laughed. And I sure as hell cried harder than I’ve ever cried. It was, without a doubt, the most emotional summer of my life. Emotional, because for the first time in my life, I didn’t try to numb a single feeling. I let myself be washed over with every fleeting thing I was feeling. And it felt good. Mostly.
But I regressed. Yes, I did. Life is peaks and valleys, and I can say that right now (and for the past month or so) I’ve been deep, deep in one of the darker valleys of my life. I have no idea how I got here. Maybe that emotional roller coaster crashed down here while I was too busy covering my eyes to notice how far I was getting from what I previously referred to as “such a good place”. Before I knew it I was a closed up shell of a person, who was literally worrying about everything. I haven’t worried much in two years. And ain’t nobody wanna welcome back worry after ridding themselves of it for so long. I abandoned my blog, started drinking in excess, and became nonexistent to the people who care the most about me. I was, at times, the life of the party, but mostly…an irritable wreck.
Literally. What. The. Hell?
I’m not beating myself up. I know better than that by now. I’m whispering positive affirmations to myself, that seem to be less than effective. And I’m so antsy to get back on a good track. I have a million goals. I have visions of a complete personal about-face. And I figure if I make it public…maybe that’ll help. Capiche? So without further ado…three goals to get back to “such a good place”.
Goal #1: Get my ass into yoga shape
There is nothing I love more than a good hot yoga class. Vinyasa, I’ll take it. Kundalini…feeds my soul. Last spring I was going to yoga on average 3 to 4 times per week. And I was getting some killer arms.
Then I broke my leg and it all went to shit.
But I’m healed now! And I have crazy visions of handstands and backbends. So I have a goal of getting my handstand by year end. I want to live a yoga lifestyle in the coming years…I’m soooo smitten with all that mindfulness stuff. So I’m going to slowly transition into more yoga, and less inactivity.
Goal #2: Get out and see some shit
We’re doing this! My best friend in the entire world and I are heading down under to Fiji, New Zealand, and Australia in October for an undetermined amount of time. I love the freedom of not knowing when we’re coming back, because we can stay as many days as we like in one place. I plan to do a lot of handstand practicing on Australian beaches. Sounds like a dream.
Other travel goals for this year? Ski some epic mountains. Jackson Hole, Big Sky (haven’t been back there in ages), Tahoe?. I did not ski enough last year. This year will be different. Snow or none. But hopefully snow.
Goal #3: Run the hardest half marathon of my life…again
I would say that approximately once every couple weeks I think about the Snow Joke half marathon. About how, in 2011, my good friend and I started running in -9 degree weather around Seeley Lake, Montana on a February day…on snow packed roads. I was totally undertrained for running in those conditions. But I finished. Definitely one of my prouder moments. It’s happening again in 2014 with two of my best running buddies. And I cannot wait. Literally, I get giddy thinking about it. Hell, maybe I’ll even handstand walk over the finish line.
So that means I will start training…now. And this time I’ll train a lot smarter. I’m joining a running club in Boulder and hitting the pavement at least 3 days a week to start. Since Boulder gets dumped on often, I’ll get my fair share of running in a snow-packed environment.
It feels good to get this stuff off my chest. And makes it real, instead of just a crazy idea floating around in my head. Yes, I love change. But change is even better with awesome dreams mixed in. Of course, I’ll be sewing and making websites along the way, which I’ll tell you more about that later. But first, I gotta get myself right. And it starts today.